just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I pour the whiskey from now on
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
