I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
