My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
