She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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