Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
