i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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