just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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