Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
