Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
