My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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