Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My ATM looks so different sober.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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