I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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