I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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