I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
NoShamevember. You game?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize