I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
