He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
jump out the window naked night went bad
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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