I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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