You're earring is so big in my mouth
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
