Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
