I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
