All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
