my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
