Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So many bounce houses so little time
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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