Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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