Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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