i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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