I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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