I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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