I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
