Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
