I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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