her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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