I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The power of my boobs compel you
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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