dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
