It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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