Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
