We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
