I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
