she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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