he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
