dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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