seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
