just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
