i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
