R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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