I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
