she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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