she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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