I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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