Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
