she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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