it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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