I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
