I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
