Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
