woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
