you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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