At least make sure they are 18
Why
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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