So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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