OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize