hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
