After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
