Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize