Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
