his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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