We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
