Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
