not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
