I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
