My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I think i got beer on your cat.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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