So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
